Sorry for getting this review up late. I read Cat Marnell’s memoir How to Murder Your Life earlier this month and it has truly put me in a dark place!!! Read it if you want to get unstable and miss your deadlines!!! This week’s episode was truly the icing on my existential dread cupcake!!!!
Here is a review of how the contestants did this week:
Christen was the only girl eliminated which is really sad bc she is the one girl (besides our main bitch Rachel) that all the Thought Catalog girls could agree on really liking. She seems really awesome and it’s super bizarre of Nick to eliminate her before some of these other fillers. I’m going to need someone to link me to an interview where a former bach explains why they eliminate people with potential earlier on than fillers.
We didn’t get to see a lot of Brittany but Nick eliminated 3 blondes last week so I guess he had to do at least 2 brunettes this one.
Still in the running
If there is a god in heaven pls let Corinne get her own spinoff show. She is so insane and so interesting. She’s a fresh kind of villain who isn’t playing a part, she’s just being Corinne and it’s amazing.
Still unclear on Jaimi’s nose ring.
For weeks we have been promised scenes in which Jasmine brings the drama. Maybe when Corinne leaves she is going to step into the spotlight? I love Jasmine and I am here for it.
Randomly grabbed this screenshot to talk about Josephine and realized she has the most beautiful profile in Bachelor history????
Kristina gets the group date rose, but I’m still kind of unclear about which long-haired brunette she is.
It’s totally normal to not know who this is!
Whitney is a total wallflower. I always have to look up the cast list to remember she’s even a contestant on this season.
It’s actually breath-taking that Taylor is the mental health worker on the show and she’s the least emotionally intelligent (excluding Corinne) of the bunch. What kind of advice does she give her clients? What good (besides short-term emotional gratification) is going to come from arguing with someone like Corinne? Feel extremely worried for her clients.
Alexis has done the very hard thing of going from being a joke to becoming a real person! Usually when people are that much of a clown they don’t recover.
I think Nick is reaching a bit with Raven, fulfilling some kind of latent fantasy. I’m a big Raven fan, I just don’t think they have anything in common, and I don’t think she’s the kind of girl that will be a true partner to Nick.
Sarah goes in on Corinne for not being mature enough to marry Nick. It’s a fair point but the example she uses is Corinne getting a giant purple bouncy castle for Nick. As if if Nick brought this out and showed it to Sarah she wouldn’t clap her hands together and squeal about how fun-loving and cool Nick is.
Danielle M spends most of the episode complaining about Corinne. V snooze-worthy!
I really can’t stand Vanessa. She’s so judgmental and snobby and really not fun. I also think her being on the show is super suspect because if she’s going to be so slut-shame-y about Corinne, shouldn’t she have watched a few episodes of The Bachelor before signing up and realized she prob isn’t going to have her values aligned with the show? Especially knowing super slutty Nick was going to be the bachelor.
To be fair, I do think Vanessa goes far and maybe even wins. Nick is eating her holier than thou thing up.
Also: VERY IMPORTANT TID BIT IN CASE YOU MISSED IT. WHEN VANESSA GIVES NICK A BOOK “HER STUDENTS MADE” SHE SELF-DESCRIBES HER STUDENTS AS “ADORING” HER.
Danielle L gets a very coveted date where Nick gets to show her around his hometown and she meets his parents. It’s interesting to see him pick her, he probably held off choosing her for a one-on-one earlier specifically because he wanted to test out his feelings for her here.
Rachel is queen and every person on the planet is hoping she’ll be runner up or whatever position makes her most likely to be the next Bachelorette.
Burning questions for next week’s episode
Are Corinne and Taylor going on the dreaded two-on-one???
Will Corinne finally go home???
Will we EVER go back to having rose ceremonies at the end of each episode like we all want????
See you next week!