But not for you.
I’m here to take back all the pieces of myself I left in you. I need them to make me whole again. Apparently, even the broken pieces of me still work. Apparently, I can still fix what you broke.
As long as I do it.
As long as you stay out of it.
It’s time to take back the pieces of my heart that you stole and damaged, the ones you fooled when you said you cared, the ones you ripped off when you said I was the only one and the pieces you broke when you walked away before returning them back to me. It’s time to take back my heart because it’s not yours anymore. You don’t know how to make it breathe, you don’t know how to make it feel alive. It’s time to take my heart home.
It’s time to get my self-respect back. The one I swept under the rug for you. When I let you get away with treating me like I wasn’t important, when I would let you have everything your way because you made me believe that you know better. You made me believe that you’re the best and I’m just lucky to be by your side, and I almost believed that being with the best means you have to put yourself last, that being with the best means neglecting myself and what I need.
But little did I know that the best could be the worst, that those who claim they are the best, never really see anyone else but themselves. They only want to be validated. They only want to be loved without loving anyone back.
It’s time to fix what you broke. It’s time to sanitize myself from your dirt. It’s time to cleanse my mind from your thoughts and it’s time to find my beauty without you making me feel ugly.
Because I’m finally ready to live without you. I’m finally ready to move on from everything you did to me. I’m finally ready to forget you. I’m finally ready to live again.
I decided to live. Life is kind. It’s not cruel. It’s the people we surround ourselves with that make our lives cruel and bring us all kinds of pain and illnesses. It’s what they do to us. It’s what they tell us.
Life doesn’t hurt but people do.
And I decided that I’m done living with those who hurt me, but I’m going to pay them all one last visit, to take back all the pieces of me I left with them and start over. I’ll hug the pieces of me and apologize to them for not knowing any better, for giving them to all the wrong people, for not fighting for each and every one of them.
I’m taking them all back and showing them a better world. Showing them love. Showing them that they don’t have to stay broken or dirty and they can still shine and glow.
Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.