1. Don’t threaten to kill his cat if he cheats on you.
“Threaten to kill his cat if he cheated on you.
No joke, a girl I went on a date with suddenly launched into a tirade about how she has been cheated on in the past, and if I did so, she would ‘emotionally hurt’ me by killing my cat. I almost punched her in the throat. Nobody threatens my cat.”
2. Don’t vomit all over him and then lock yourself in the bathroom.
“Vomit all over you and then immediately lock herself in the only bathroom so you have to just sit there covered in vomit.”
3. Don’t have a dick.
“Have a dick.”
4. Don’t play hard to get when you’re already hard to want.
“Don’t play hard to get when you’re already hard to want.”
5. Don’t audibly gasp when you notice the waiter is missing an arm.
“Don’t audibly gasp when you notice the waiter is missing an arm, then later tell me you have an incurable form of ringworm.”
6. Don’t talk in a baby voice.
“Talk in a baby voice—it’s worrying me how many women I meet that talk like a 5-year-old.”
7. Don’t tell him how you almost died of a heroin overdose like it’s a fucking achievement.
“Telling me how she almost died of overdose on heroin like it’s a fucking achievement. When I hear heroin I kinda think of really bad STDs, so it’s a turnoff.”
8. Don’t divulge that you still live with your ex.
“Immediately divulging that she still lives with her ex and goes into excruciating detail about their relationship.”
9. Don’t talk about how your uncle molested you when you were eight.
“Talk about negative things that are not essential for a potential bf to know. I really don’t want to hear how your uncle molested you when you were eight. I get that it was very traumatizing, but don’t drop that bomb on me on the first date.”
10. Don’t draw pentagrams on the table with salt.
“Draw pentagrams on the table with salt. You were a real weirdo, Kirsten.”
11. Don’t keep talking about how big your ex-boyfriend’s dick was.
“Talk about her ex-boyfriend’s dick and how big it was. This actually happened to me a few weeks ago. She brought it up on two separate occasions throughout the date…”
12. Don’t give your potential BF your razor blade you used to cut yourself with.
“Give your potential BF your razor blade you used to cut yourself with. On the first date, because I seem ‘trustworthy.’ I got the hell out of that real quick.”
13. Don’t bring your ex with you on the date.
“The woman who, unbeknownst to me, invited her ex onto our date. When some random guy sat down beside me I laughed, until I realized what was happening. When they went to go smoke a cig and talk, I ordered two tequila shots from the bar…slammed ’em both, then just left. Told the bartender to put them on her bill and didn’t even feel bad.”
14. Don’t show up high on cough syrup.
“Showing up to Steak ‘n’ Shake on a stomach full of cough syrup unable to hold your head up may have been okay if our meeting each other wasn’t based around an event where I spoke to a few thousand people about what overcoming my drug addiction was like.”
15. Don’t be a crackhead.
“Crack cocaine.”
16. Don’t ignore the guy and constantly text on the phone.
“Ignore the guy and constantly text on the phone.”
17. Don’t hook up with your ex while you’re on the date.
“I was on a first date with a girl and everything was going great. We had a nice dinner and the conversation was great. After dinner, she asked if we could head to the bar where I had met her the week before. I said sure, no problem.
We get to the bar, order a couple of drinks, and we’re having a pretty good time. She points out that the guy she dated for a few months, let’s call him Chad, was there. That’s kind of awkward to bring up, but whatever. I kind of know Chad since he’s a regular at the bar and we have some mutual friends. I didn’t know he and my date used to go out.
Chad sees that I’m with her and soon leaves the bar. A few minutes later, my date starts checking her phone and texting someone. I go order another round of drinks. When I get back, my date asks if it would be OK if she went back to Chad’s house. I told her she could do whatever she wanted to. I then said goodnight and went home alone. She texted me an hour later apologizing and said that Chad wouldn’t let her in. She then asked if she could come to my house. I politely declined and went to sleep.
So, I would say trying to hook up with your ex is a huge no-no for a girl to do on the first date.”
18. Don’t ask him for a date at a restaurant, then seat him because you’re the hostess on shift.
“Tell a guy to meet you at a restaurant for a date and then seat him when he gets there because you’re the hostess on shift.”
19. Don’t expect him to keep the conversation going.
“Expecting him to keep the conversation going. Dialog is a two-way-road.”
20. Don’t be late.
“Being late (maybe 10 minutes is ok, but 30, 40 minutes late to our first date? No thanks).”
21. Don’t act like a mannequin.
“Enter ‘mannequin mode’ and expect the guy to bring you to life!”
22. Don’t make him babysit three kids he doesn’t know.
“True Story Time. Girl asked me out, which was nice for a change. We were both in our late teens and she said, ‘Let’s just have fun.’ Sure, okay nothing serious. I meet her at a bowling alley. Her… her friend, and her three juvenile cousins. Umm ok. Proceed to bowl, definitely weird that she has four people for support. Then as per her suggestion, we all go to a billiards hall afterwards. I get a table, after about ten minutes she nopes out with her friend, and I’m left with her three juvenile male cousins, and the tab for the table. I literally was asked out to pay for the privilege of babysitting three kids I didn’t know. She calls a few more times and I never return her calls. Years later, I see her on Facebook and it turns out she’s a lesbian and everything made perfect sense now.
So ladies, if you’re in the closet don’t waste time asking out straight guys if you really just want someone to babysit your cousins as a sham alibi to keep your sexual identity from your parents.”
23. Don’t show him pics of your ex and other guys you’ve dated.
“Show you pics of her ex and other guys she’s dated in the past.”
24. Don’t tell him that you’re going to rape him.
“First date was a costume party (This was around Halloween). I felt kind of weird going on a first date with someone attending a group gathering but it was a date, and I had been a recluse around that time. I go pick her up and she’s dressed up as Meg from Family Guy. Not a deal breaker, I thought that the idea/joke was clever but the costume itself wasn’t that great because many people remarked that’s how she always looked. I didn’t think she looked bad but whatever. The restaurant was Joe’s Crab Shack and she ordered a giant bucket of crab legs for herself. She ordered it and turned to me and was like, ‘What are you going to have?’ Halfway through the meal, she asks if i wanted to go by her place afterwards to hang out. So far, I’m not completely turned off, so I said I could hang out for a minute. She gets this really big creepy grin on her face and whispers in my ear, ‘I’m gonna rape you.’ And there it was. I was suddenly stuck with the question of how I was going to get out of this. I paid for both our meals and told her that my stomach wasn’t doing well and I’d rather go home. She then begs me to come home with her and she didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I really tried to convince her that my stomach wasn’t doing well. Saw her back at work the next day.
TL;DR Went on a date with a woman dressed as Meg Griffin. Told me she’d rape me after eating a bucket of crab legs.”
25. Don’t just expect the guy to pay.
“Expect the guy to pay. He will likely anyways but at least offer. 50/50 for the win.”
26. Don’t get shitfaced.
“Don’t get overly intoxicated.”
27. Don’t keep using the upward vocal inflection?
“Liberal unnecessary use of the upward vocal inflection?”
28. Don’t badmouth your ex-boyfriend.
“Badmouth her ex-boyfriend. If she does that on a first date it means she is either (one or more): Immature, Not really over him, Unstable, and that she will eventually do that to you.”
29. Don’t try to convert him to your religion.
“Trying to convert him to her religion. Girl I met went on for hours talking about how it would be good for me to go to her church. It felt like she went there only to try to wolololo the shit out of me.”
30. Don’t act like a gold digger.
“Say things like ‘Are you loaded?!’ then rub your hands together and lick your lips.”
31. Don’t throw a psychotic fit at the restaurant.
“TLDR: having her period all over you then destroying a restaurant.
Full story: Met a girl rock climbing once. We flirted a lot but nothing came of it because we were both with our families. Flash forward two years, she finds me on Facebook (guess that should have been a red flag but whatevs) and says she’s in the city for an acting thing, asks if I want dinner. So she comes over and is immediately down to clown. We get frisky, things go places, and about five minutes in I realize I’m covered from my waist to my knees in menstruation. I ask, ‘uh, hey, everything ok? Didn’t hurt you did I?’ I knew she wasn’t hurt I was just trying to be gentle about it. She says, ‘oh don’t worry it’s just my period.’ My sheets are now ruined, but I’m 20 and hot to trot. I just kinda suck it up and finish the deed. We shower (separately) and get all cleaned up. The Neanderthal in me just wants to kick her out (I got my rocks off, why should she stay?) but the part of my brain that isn’t a complete piece of shit decided the least I could do was take this girl out to dinner. So we go to a very nice place and the date is going fine. That is, until I asked about her family. I literally asked, ‘what does you dad do for a living?’ and that was all it took to bring her to Defcon: Crazy. She starts sobbing, uncontrollably, like, slams her head on to her arms on the table and wailing while taking those deep crying breaths. Oh fuck I thought, but it was too late: the dam was breached. No time to evacuate the town. The metaphorical floodwaters poured in. ‘He’s a piece of shit! He’s leaving my mom, after everything she’s done for him! She even lies to the MPs when they come asking about his whereabouts!’ She proceeds to expand upon this by loudly and dramatically telling me about how her dad is AWOL from the navy and she hates him. At the apex of this rant she stands up, like Leonidas, and bellows: ‘IT’S! NOT! FAAAAAAAAAAIR!!!’ and swipes her arm across the table, knocking fucking everything to the ground, I shit you not. Everyone in the restaurant is silent and staring at us, I hastily throw down way more money than the bill, grab her by the hand and get us the fuck out of there. I drive her back to her car, in silence, and when we get there she asks: ‘Did I ruin it? Can we have another date?’ Trying not to get stabbed or start another crazy wailing session I lie to her: ‘No no, you didn’t ruin it! Talk to you later.’ And kick her out of the car. Immediately blocked her number. Never put your dick in crazy.”
32. Don’t order the most expensive items on the menu paired with an $80 wine.
“If I’m paying for dinner don’t order the most expensive items on the menu paired with an $80 wine.”
33. Don’t tell your date he’s “mansplaining.”
“She cut me off when the waiter came over & ordered my drink and meal in the name of ‘gender equality.’ I mean, I guess she equally as much as an arsehole. I just put the poor execution down to nerves and gave the benefit of the doubt.
Then she later got very aggressive while we were discussing our cars. She mentioned that she was just about to spend £150 getting her head gasket replaced. I mentioned that £150 wasn’t close to enough to have it done properly & that it would likely fail again, & recommended my mechanic. She blew off the handle calling me a misogynistic pig and that she didn’t need it mansplained to her. (It failed again 2 weeks later & was beyond the point of being worth fixing).
Needless to say, did not want a second date.”
34. Don’t stick your fist in your date’s drink.
“I ended up having my first and only date with a girl who was vegan not too long ago. Not that being vegan is a problem, but it’s helpful for the story.
To start, the conversation was miserable and interacting with her was totally awkward. Can’t stand going out to dinner with someone who expects me to carry the conversation, but that wasn’t even the worst part.
What really sealed the deal was when the waitress brought our drinks. Both were waters with lemon. She asked if I ever eat my lemon, and while I thought it was a little strange, I said that I didn’t, and just chalked it up as a vegan habit. She then proceeds to eat the lemon from her water, rind and all. I was a little disturbed by this, but again, this itself wouldn’t have been a nail in the coffin. However, things were about to get so much worse. She then asked if I was going to eat mine, and I once again declined.
She reaches over, grabs my straw and tries to fish the lemon out of my water. I kept my best poker face but soon lost it when she couldn’t get the lemon out with my straw, and instead stuck her hand in my drink to grab the lemon and eat it. Needless to say I was very dehydrated for the rest of my meal while she awkwardly stared at me eating a burger with painfully little conversation.
Ladies, if we’ve been together for several months and you’re trying to mess with me, that’s one thing. On your first date though, don’t touch anything I’m about to ingest. It’s disgusting.
TL;DR First date, girl fisted my drink, she didn’t get the call back.”
35. Don’t insist on a double date then flirt with the other guy all night.
“Insist on a double date then flirt with the other guy all night.”
36. Don’t text your mom through the whole date.
“She was in constant contact with her mother during the date. Should’ve been a warning sign to me because she remained that way our entire relationship. Lesson learned for me: the next time I’m on a date and she’s still attached at the umbilical cord to her mother, I’m out. Be an adult, be on your own person.”
37. Don’t tell your whole sob story on the first date.
“Don’t tell your whole sob story on the first date. Recently went out with a girl who most of what she talked about was how because of family drama and stuff she had to drop out of high school and now couldn’t go to college because she was on her own and had to work two jobs because she had no one to help support her. Just felt like she was expecting me to jump in and say ‘oh I’ll support you!’ Right then and there.
Oh, also don’t ask me 20 times before the first date if I’m going to murder you, eventually my answer will change.”
38. Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu, take two bites, then push it away .
“Order the most expensive thing on the menu…take two bites and push it away.”
39. Don’t act ditzy.
“Act ditzy/stupid. It’s not funny or cute, it’s completely transparent and a massive turn off.”
40. Don’t bring your guy friends on the date.
“Have her guy friends join the date. It makes you look weak because everyone else is talking and laughing while you can’t really talk to them at the same comfort level. than you site there like a idiot all quiet and shit.”
41. Don’t treat men like dogs.
“Don’t make us chase you we are not dogs.
Don’t talk to us like dogs.
Do not start making demands and plans we have our own lives we are not your dogs.
Don’t ignore us and text on your phone all night we are like dogs we need attention.”
42. Don’t look COMPLETLY different from the photos on your FB profile.
“Look COMPLETLY different from the photos/FB profile you send me. No matter what people said, looks matter. A lot.”
43. Don’t suck out your date’s soul through his neck.
“Last date I went on the girl gave me the biggest hickey of my life then told me her ex was into demons and put her through a ritual and she was possessed by a demon for 2 years until she was saved by a red-haired 6-inch pixie with an Irish accent that lives inside of her to this day. I kept touching my neck the rest of the night wondering if she sucked out my soul.”
44. Don’t offer him your chewing tobacco.
“Pull out a can of chew and ask if I want a dip.”
45. Don’t remark that your date is height-challenged.
“Saying: ‘Oh, you’re shorter than I though you would be!’”
46. Don’t be an unfunny pain in the ass.
“I went out with a girl who asked me out, before we stop communicating via text she says, ‘please don’t be an axe murderer’ so we meet up at a cafe fifteen minutes from my house. We meet up greet each other and sit down and I make a small joke about forgetting my axe to which she replied, ‘that’s not funny’ hmm ok well damn a little harsh. The whole night when I made commentary about anything or teased or made an attempt at any joke she responded with the exact same response, ‘that isn’t funny.’ It was like she didn’t want to be there so much I didn’t want to be there. I ended up leaving mid date telling her I needed to go to the restroom. (Took care of my bill at the front we were in the back) TLDR; have a goddamn sense of humor when you ask someone out.”
47. Don’t talk about rape culture and how all men are evil.
“Talking about rape culture and all men are evil kind of stuff.”
48. Don’t bring your mom and get drunk with her.
“Invite your mom and proceed to both get drunk on 5 vodka cranberries each while I’m sipping my 1st beer.”
49. Don’t try to take my bacon.
“Try to take my bacon.”
50. Don’t be extremely late.
“Don’t be extremely late. 10-15 minutes is ok, but give him a heads-up. 1-2 hours late is not OK.”
Read this: 50 Things Guys Should NEVER Do On A First Date (According To The Experiences Of 50 Girls)
