XtremeMind.com

shakti · Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 3:00 pm Post subject: man advice please!

sooo, i had just started dating this amazing man several months ago, great connection on all levels. after a month and a half he pulled back because i have a teenager, and after one particularly insolent experience from my son, he freaked out and proclaims that he can't be in a relationship that includes a teenager in it.

it was obvious to me and my friends that he was just triggered, and if he stuck with it it would provide good catalyst for growth.

anyway, we stayed in touch, and he is now coming to me for body/mind healing work i do, and we are bringing awareness to many old patterns as they are manifesting in his body, and he is really growing, and i am falling more in love with him. it is more clear than ever to me that we would both gain so much from being in relationship, but i think he still is unwilling to look at his resistance to my son. the work we are doing is very powerful and he is opening himself up on a very deep intimate level with me.

i feel i am wanting to ask him to re-look at the possibility of us. i know men don't do well with being asked to directly look at something, but i don't know how to do it any other way.i don't want to manipulate the situation, but it is feeling like a pink elephant in the room. i feel he still really cares for me, as he said it wasn't about me, but my situation that made him pull away.

any words of wisdom??
peace
shakti

luckylouie · Reputation: 1 Joined: 04 Oct 2005 Posts: 26 Not Posted

Firstly I'd like to suggest you go and find someone who's already worked through his issues surrounding this subject instead of a "fixer upper". Don't fall into the classic pattern of finding a man who's almost right and trying to fix him.

Secondly, as you're still attracted to him and say you are falling in love with him, maybe he should be going to someone else for his body/mind healing work. If you fall more deeply for him by spending a lot of emotionally open time with him and it doesn't work out, you'll just end up getting hurt.

I know that we all work out some of our issues through our intimate relationships, but honestly, life's too short for it all to be emotional angst. You're not his therapist or his mother. Let him go for now, if he works out his issues and comes back ready to commit, fine. If not move on.

Rayzorblades · Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:04 pm Post subject:

Good advice Louie
_________________

yintherapy · Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 7:54 pm Post subject:

If and when he is ever ready to tackle your situation, it will have to come from his own initiative, not because you asked him to reconsider. Raising a teen requires dedication, and that kind of dedication doesn't come from reconsidering! It comes from genuinely wanting to improve someone's life, and your own. It sounds like his fears are stronger than that desire, so I'd recommend you don't spend time with him and "tease" your heart. If he changes his mind (and heart) he knows where to find you, and he'll prove his dedication by seeking you out and convincing you that he's worth of the role of "father figure" in your teen's life. Because it's a huge role, he should be ready to embrace it, not step into it reluctantly.

SallyA · Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:20 pm Post subject:

CIERAIN · Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:25 pm Post subject:

Each Person that enters your life is an imperfection of you.Change him with caution.

MrChakra · Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:11 pm Post subject:

He sounds like a Psychic Vampire... Feeding off your emotions, if your son is a teenager, he doesn't need the guy to be his father so there should be no problem on either end. I guess the guy is just scared... Good luck...

Chii · Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:36 pm Post subject:

Yep. You should respect his boundries.. especially when he is giving you permission to work on his energetic body, you don't want to abuse that.