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DrFaust · Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:13 am Post subject: Chuck Norris Jokes

Does anyone know any good Chuck Norris Jokes? Here's a few to get the ball rolling:

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Laughing

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Dr. Faust
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When the "Boogie Man" goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

Guest1 · Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:15 am Post subject:

This thread is great! I had to contribute(Copy/Paste): Smile

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

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Anti-Chuck Norris jokes!

Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.

Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.

Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Ford · Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:13 am Post subject:

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

DrFaust · Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 6:09 pm Post subject: The Chuckmeister

Riddle: What is black and red and 30 feet high?

Answer: That pile of dead ninjas on Chuck Norris's front lawn.
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Dr. Faust
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When the "Boogie Man" goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

DrFaust · Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:18 am Post subject:

THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:

01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shlt from anybody.

10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Sadly, the last thing the man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
_________________
Dr. Faust
___________________________
When the "Boogie Man" goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.