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slickman
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Joined: 12 Oct 2005
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loverboy
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 Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:28 am Post subject: shyness |
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Hi there a free article i found, most of you will probably know the principles but its a good read, getting back to the basics
cheers
slick
How I FINALLY Eliminated Shyness & Nervousness &
Gained Super Confidence
Here's my story and what worked for me.
Hi - My name is David Portney and for a large part of my life I was stricken with terrible shyness and nervousness - if you've got a minute, read my story because it will probably help you.
If you're suffering from shyness and nervousness then you and I are kindred spirits because I know the pain you feel, and I know its holding you back from getting the most out of your life.
Just like people who get cancer and survive will often help other cancer victims, I also want to help people who suffer from shyness and nervousness, just like I used to.
And if someone as shy as I was can become super confident, then ANYONE can - so there's hope fo you too - here's my story:
I grew up EXTREMELY shy: in school I always sat in the back of the class so no one would notice me, I was so insecure I even wore jackets in the summertime, and I avoided ALL social situations.
And boy, when it came to the opposite sex, I was as scared as a mouse at a rattlesnake convention.
Can you relate to ANY of that?
First I tried therapy. It seemed like the logical choice.
I got some benefit from going to therapy - I understood my problem really well - but therapy didn't SOLVE my problem.
Then I went to see a shrink who prescribed an anti-depressant but the side effects were worse than being shy, so I stopped taking them after a while.
Then I tried to "fake it till I make it" - I'd go into social situations and pretend to be confident, but I knew inside I was just faking and I still felt shy and nervous.
Frustrated, I turned to self help books and tapes, & I even went to seminars (I sat in the back). Most were not very helpful, and a few were excellent.
Self help is what finally worked for me, and it worked so well that people who know me today just laugh in disbelief when I tell them I grew up painfully shy.
It's great to finally be free of that crippling shyness and nervousness that held me back for most of my life.
Here's what helped me:
First, I had to accept that I was MAKING MYSELF shy and nervous. NOT to blame myself, but to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the situation I was in.
The first thing you should do is realize that YOU ARE IN A POSITION OF POWER AND CONTROL when you take responsibility for being shy and nervous. THAT PUTS YOU IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
You need to realize that even if you're not aware of it, you're DOING SOMETHING inside your head to make shyness and nervousness happen. I know that might not seem true - I was shy since nursery school and thought that THAT WAS JUST WHO I WAS.
I finally realized that shyness and nervousness is NOT who I am, IT'S SOMETHING I DO. You are NOT shy, you DO shyness... A very important distinction to make.
You DO shyness and nervousness by running movies in your head and talking to yourself - it's those movies and talking that "makes" you feel shy and nervous.
The critical shift you need to make is knowing that your shyness and nervousness is NOT who you are, and it's NOT out of your control. YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
But those movies and voices in your head have been playing for so long, you probably don't even notice them, you just know you feel shy and nervous.
In other words, SHYNESS HAS BECOME A BAD HABIT.
And because shyness and nervousness is in reality a bad habit, it needs to be TREATED like a bad habit.
But, everyone knows how hard it can be to break a bad habit - just ask anyone who's ever tried to stop smoking.
Breaking a bad habit requires 2 things: You MUST use a proven strategy to break the habit and you MUST have a positive replacement habit.
If you don't use a proven strategy then you're just stumbling around trying "whatever" and hoping it'll work, and it doesn't, so you give up.
And not having a new habit to replace the old habit pretty much guarantees failure because you'll slide back to your old, familiar ways of shyness and nervousness.
The simple way to take ALL the effort out of breaking the shyness habit is: PUT MOMENTUM TO WORK SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK. To get momentum to work for you, all you have to do is start small.
Using momentum makes breaking a bad habit easy because you "go with the flow" - you don't have to struggle or fight to get where you're going.
Where most people go wrong is they try to do too much too soon - what if you went to the gym for the very first time and you went over to the heaviest weight and tried to lift it over your head... That would be foolish - and dangerous.
Instead, what if you lift the lightest weight... Then the next day a slightly heavier weight... And the next day a slightly heavier weight... After 3 or 4 weeks, you'd be lifting heavy weights you never thought possible.
Incremental success is EXACTLY how you learned to read, write, tie your shoes, and drive a car.
Now you can read, write, tie your shoes and drive a car effortlessly and automatically, but when you first started it seemed hard, right?
So you just have to start small and then do a little more and a little more each day for about 3 weeks and at that point it becomes automatic - momentum takes over and does all the work for you.
You need to start small and continue adding a little more each day for 3 weeks because it takes about 3 weeks to break a habit and "install" a new replacement habit, it just does.
But the most important thing of all is this: The #1 ingredient that guarantees your success is a burning desire to change. There is nothing on this Earth more powerful than pure desire.
You've got to WANT TO CHANGE and you've got to want it really really really badly. Because if you want it bad enough, nothing can stop you.
I was ABSOLUTELY DESPERATE to get rid of my shyness and nervousness because it was ruining my life.
I was scared to death of meeting new people. I was scared to death of approaching women I wanted to meet. I was turning down social invitations and cowering at home. I was afraid to do all kinds of things because of shyness and nervousness.
Now, I speak in public for a living, something I thought I would NEVER, EVER be able to do. As I said before, if someone who was as shy as I was can become confident, then ANYONE else can too.
So, thanks for listening - er, reading - my story, I sincerely hope that this will help you because suffering from shyness and nervousness just sucks.
Let me give you the summary of how you can get over shyness, and what you should do, step by step and I even wrote a booklet about it that you can have for free.
First, realize that understanding your problem will NOT solve your problem.
Next, accept responsibility (NOT blame) for your situation and realize you are in the driver's seat - that puts you in a position of power and control.
Then recongize that you are NOT a shy nervous person, shyness and nervousness are processes that you actively DO in your head that creates those feelings.
Next, understand that you've been playing movies and/or talking to yourself for years to create the shyness and nervousness, and after all these years it's turned into a bad habit that needs to be broken.
And, know that all you need to do to break that bad habit is to use a proven strategy, and that you must decide on a new, positive replacement habit (I recommend your new habit be ferocious super confidence).
Also, you MUST start small and build momentum each day for 3 weeks in order to break that shyness habit - just one small win followed by a slightly bigger win followed by another slightly bigger win - momentum means you don't have to struggle to break the habit, you just go with the flow.
Finally, NONE OF THAT MATTERS unless you really really REALLY want to get rid of shyness and nervousness. Without strong desire, you'll just give up or won't even try. I was totally sick and tired of shyness and nervousness holding me back, so I decided to do something about it.
What to do now? Just decide to take action on each of those steps one by one. If you want some additional tips on exactly how to do that, feel free to download my booklet using the link below - it's free. |
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Free Soul
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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
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Location: My reality
graduation speech & NLP
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| Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:48 am Post subject: |
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Hehe, sorry I can't stand the temptation to post another great Stephane newsletter here 
| Quote: | “SHYNESS – It Is What It Is!”
Dear readers,
This is Stephane.
My last newsletter, “Binging and purging, volume one” was indeed controversial, and I've been getting emails from some of you who didn't really understand what I meant when I said, “I don't trust shy people.”
Funny, I thought the comments on bulimia would have upset more people than it did. But in the end, it was my comments on shyness. Cool!
In spite of the “controversy”, the newsletter was extremely well-received, and I want to commend everyone on their ability to handle the truth. Most people can't do that, not REALLY.
To me, LOVE is the only truth...
Don't get me wrong – be your own guru. I'm not claiming to have discovered “the ultimate truth” or anything, but the last newsletter contained some pretty hard-hitting facts that I felt MANY PEOPLE wouldn't be able to face.
The Ego is interesting, because when you teach about this, you also run the risk of TRIGGERING IT.
Combine that with teaching Sexuality! I must be insane...
So let's talk about SHYNESS. What is it, Why is it, and what the hell do we do about it?
The only CURE for shyness is MORE AWARENESS.
Once you become AWARE of how shyness works – the “structure” of shyness, only then do you really have a choice in the matter. You can't change something until you become totally aware of it.
Have you noticed that you can't “convince” yourself to stop feeling something? You have to become aware of exactly how it WORKS – to become conscious of the unconscious.
Here's how -
To my way of thinking, the OPPOSITE of being “shy” is being PROUD. And True Pride is your natural birthright. It is a love of life, and knowing that YOU are an expression of life.
Look at a FLOWER. A flower isn't “shy” at all... a flower stands tall, stretches itself out to the sun and says to the world, “I AM awesome, and so are you whether you realize it or not!”
Okay, that was corny... but my point is that flowers are PROUD. Nature is proud. And my CAT is EXTREMELY PROUD... it's seems that only HUMANS violate the laws of nature.
You never see impotent dogs or “frigid” cats. Only humans are able to screw up sexuality, which is the healthiest and most natural expression of love there is.
By the way, when I say that Pride is the opposite of shyness, I'm NOT talking about being “too proud”.
Narcissism isn't pride at all; it's “pretend-pride”. It's FAKE pride. It's the old, “I'm better than you are” stuff, and deep down people like that have an under-LYING inferiority complex.
Now that we can see what the opposite of shyness is (true pride), let's take a closer look at the shyness itself, and break it down into it's key components.
We all have an Ego. You know, that voice in your head that judges everything and everyone in sight... including ITSELF (how ironic).
And it's the Ego that's in charge of running the Shyness Department – IF you let it.
In order to BE SHY, you have to do certain things in your head (and not others). Here's the way it works -
There is a “light” and a “dark” aspect to shyness, or DUALITY, and also a “grey” aspect.
You have to do three things in order to be a real black-belt in the art of shyness.
1- The “dark” aspect:
First of all, you have to have certain things about yourself that you don't like. Because if you loved and honored yourself FULLY, you wouldn't be shy. You would be too proud to be shy, and you would express yourself FREELY. Duh.
Since MOST HUMANS lie, cheat, and steal to a certain extent, and since we do retarded things like polluting the environment, and since we waste valuable time watching game shows and (I spam)... and since most humans do not always live with honor and courage, let us lump all of that into one category and call it LACK OF INTEGRITY.
To me, “lack of integrity” means that you violate the Natural Laws of Life and Love in one way or another.
It's fair to say that most humans lack integrity – it's just a matter of degree.
All people who lack integrity (and who actually have a CONSCIENCE) will have shyness. That's why Hitler wasn't shy – no conscience, no EMPATHY.
When you look at “players” who are able to CON AND LIE their way into a woman's heart (and her pants) without any remorse, it is because they lack empathy and compassion. Since they lack those things, it's easy for them to justify their own actions to themselves. It's a wonderful series of lies that they not only tell women, but tell themselves.
A “player” is in total denial, the same way that a drug addict is in denial. You hear them say retarded things like, “I just can't help it – I love women!”
Yeah, you “love” them so much that you use them as a masturbation tool to prop up your own Ego, night after night, trying to fill that empty void that can never be filled... How romantic.
So shy people are actually MORE SELF-AWARE than “players” are. Sure, they lack a certain amount of integrity, but at least they know it!
But anyway, shy people want to HIDE THIS INFORMATION from others. They are ashamed of the Self, of the lack of integrity that they KNOW that they have. We hide from others because we're ASHAMED, deep down, that others will FIND OUT that we lack integrity.
So that is the “dark” component of shyness – the desire to HIDE this lack of integrity, rather than just CONFRONTING AND CORRECTING IT.
So that's step one – violate your own values, feel guilty and ashamed of yourself, and then do your best to make sure other people don't know about your lack of integrity. YOU HIDE and call it “shyness” to soften the blow.
2- The “light” component that creates shyness has more to do with the IMAGE of how we would like other humans to (hopefully) perceive us.
Let's face it – our Egos WANT other people to like us, to think that we're “cool”, smart, clever, important – you name it.
We want to be loved!
Actually, we con ourselves into thinking it's “love” but in the end we're just seeking approval. Most humans are confusing those two energies. Much of what is considered “loving” and “romantic” is actually just neediness and co-dependency.
Now, you take a guy who is a little too attached to wanting people to approve of him, and yes, most humans have an addiction to APPROVAL...
And you put this guy in front of a hot girl, and what does he do? Right! He fears her REJECTION. “What if she doesn't approve??”
He is SOOOO ADDICTED to pleasing everyone around him – women, parents, peers, his boss, and even his almighty “God”, addicted to their approval (because he doesn't approve of HIMSELF – remember, he lacks integrity. If he truly loved and honored himself, he wouldn't have developed this addiction in the first place).
So he lacks integrity and he's ashamed of himself on many, many levels. Now he needs to make up for his own lack of self-love and honor - since he's not getting it from himself - so he develops an addiction to getting it from OTHER PEOPLE.
He now needs OTHER people to approve of him to fill that empty void. So he develops a whole series of approval-seeking behaviors! He tries to show other people that he lives with integrity. MORE LIES to cover up the basic lies. Nice!
3- There is a third component to shyness, we'll call it the “Grey” aspect. It has to do with POWER.
Human beings are quite often afraid of their own power. On many levels we're afraid of success, or at least we're afraid of the PERCIEVED/IMAGINED CONSEQUENCES of power and success.
To give you an example, I have received plenty of emails from people who have asked me how to break up with someone smoothly.
They are afraid of their own power – they believe that they have the power to HURT someone. But you can't hurt people by leaving them, you can only hurt their Egos.
Shy people are afraid of their own power too, but it's usually outside of their awareness. Deep down, they're afraid of being “better” or “superior” to others.
A person who feels inferior to others usually daydreams about becoming SUPERIOR to others. Ever daydream about beating the shit out of someone and getting recognition for it, or maybe even a girl?
Sure you have...
Ever daydream about winning an argument, or a chess match, or anything else for that matter, and has your Ego enjoyed the resulting feeling's of superiority?
Shy, meek, little mouse-people have a hidden desire to be superior.
On the other hand, macho, arrogant, narcissistic and “superior” types of people are truly afraid that they are inferior.
Many people go back and forth between those two states, depending on who they are talking to. A shy guy may act like a little mouse in the presence of attractive women, then he will turn around and condescend his children (for example).
A macho-man might act tough in front of his friends, but he'll turn into a mouse in front of his boss.
If you are shy, let me ask you something -
Have you ever JUDGED someone for being arrogant, macho, or narcissistic? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do all the JERKS get the babes?”
Well, the reason that you make those judgments in the first place is because those energies are within YOU.
Same thing if you judge rich people like Bill Gates. Do you realize that every time you judge someone who is wealthy, you are actually programming yourself to remain poor?
Think about it! If you hate wealthy people, and then you become ONE OF THEM... then you'll have to hate yourself, won't you?
Look at all those people who win the lotto, and then lose everything after two years. Subconsciously they feel that they do not “deserve” wealth.
It's no accident that the government is “so generous” when they hand out ten million bucks. They know that within two years, the money will find it's way back into THEIR economy.
Fear of power, fear of success. Careful who you judge... you are really just judging yourself. “Hatred” of successful people is really just jealousy that is “masked” as hatred.
And there you have it. It's the structure of shyness. The “dark” side is the lack of integrity, the “light” side is the desire to convince other people that he already has it, and the “grey” side is the hidden fear of actually getting it. A wonderful “vicious circle”.
It is THAT simple.
(I feel the need to bring this up: I'm not JUDGING anyone for being shy. I'm just pointing out the structure of it. The CORE YOU is not shy, it's just your Ego. I don't judge people because I understand that they have simply been taken hostage by their Ego.)
So how do we TRULY get over this?
Step One – Detach from your Ego; stop thinking that your Ego is “who you are”. The voice in your head is just a bad recording, and you can switch the tape at any time. You are not your thoughts. You are the Grand Programmer BEHIND the thoughts. Switch the tape and you'll change your FEELINGS.
Step Two – Learn to breathe deeply and Stay In The NOW. The past and future aren't real, only RIGHT NOW truly exists. All painful emotions boil down to thinking about past and/or future. Return to the Now and the shyness can no longer exist.
When you approach a woman, be in the Now. No THINKING! And realize that approaching women is just a natural expression of Love and Nature. Recognize “rejection” for what it really is – HER EGO.
Step Three – Learn to align your life with the Natural, Universal Laws of the Universe. Have REAL integrity, instead of the fake Barbie and Ken stuff.
There are Seven Basic Natural Laws and they are in accordance with each of the Seven Chakras. I'm afraid that there is no getting around this stuff... You're either IN TUNE or OUT OF TUNE.
(The Chakras will also help you with the above Step One and Two – detaching from Ego and living in the Now. They help to bring it all together quite nicely indeed!) |
Hope you enjoyed it 
Free Soul
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Everything will unfold with ease and beauty... just trust the universe |
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Free Soul
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graduation speech & NLP
chakra balancing & inner game?
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| Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:51 am Post subject: |
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Slickmans article is also great, both articles work good together
Be proud, be loud
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Everything will unfold with ease and beauty... just trust the universe |
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Jedi
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Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Posts: 521
Location: Universe
TO ALL THE DOWSERS - URGENT
Death and Dying are not Inevitable
For all the "Who Loves Money" Owners
:!: Help Request
What's required for Manifesting?
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| Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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I'm reading the newsletter archive on Stephane's website.. too many amazing eyeopening insights and lessons there
Free do you know why the archived editions aren't complete?
I've read the first 15, and they often refer to previous questions & answers that aren't actually there! Maybe you got full access to them only as customers, or Steph hasn't spared scissors when setting up his public archive?
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ChuckNorris
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Crystal Quantum Radio amulets
Stopping violence through metaphysical means
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| Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 12:07 am Post subject: |
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Both articles are great.
And thay do work together.
Like, the Art of War.
Even if you know your enemy better than yourself, you still have to fight to achieve victory.
One article gives us perfect insight of the enemy, while the other tell us that we must take up at arms and fight this enemy.
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"I find your lack of faith disturbing"
Darth Vader |
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Free Soul
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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 176
Location: My reality
graduation speech & NLP
chakra balancing & inner game?
hearing problems & brainwave generator
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| Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: |
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Well said Chuck.
To Jedi:
Nope you get the same newsletters as a customer. Yes Stephane talks about previous questions who can be found in the newsletters, but those questions aren'T the titles of the newsletter. This might be the reason, why you don't find them.
The newsletters are there when the student is ready 
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Everything will unfold with ease and beauty... just trust the universe |
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Jedi
Reputation: 5
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Posts: 521
Location: Universe
TO ALL THE DOWSERS - URGENT
Death and Dying are not Inevitable
For all the "Who Loves Money" Owners
:!: Help Request
What's required for Manifesting?
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| Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Free Soul wrote: | Well said Chuck.
To Jedi:
Nope you get the same newsletters as a customer. Yes Stephane talks about previous questions who can be found in the newsletters, but those questions aren'T the titles of the newsletter. This might be the reason, why you don't find them.
The newsletters are there when the student is ready |
I haven't been clear enough:
in some of his first archived newsletter there are often references to previous posts that are simply NOT present in the archive, as if some of the archived nls, compared to the ones received by email, are not complete.
For example, a guy writes complaining about the Hermetic Circle:
the forum wasn't existing at that time, so the only way he could know about it was from some previous newsletter: the point is that in none of the archived nls the Circle gets even mentioned.
Another one: a reader asks Steph about some violent reaction from his side as mentioned in the last nl - the point is that in none of the previous ones there's a single reference to violence in reacting to AMOGS, not even in general terms.. so there are definitely missing parts, and I was wondering why.
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Free Soul
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graduation speech & NLP
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hearing problems & brainwave generator
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:32 am Post subject: |
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mmmh, I never remarqued that. 
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