Picture this: You know someone personally who has a thrilling, exotic life. Some friend of yours - maybe your sister, or your spouse - teaches in Japan, or writes in a cabin in the Rockies, or flies to Hamburg to make a deal with Mercedes-Benz. You daydream about how great it must be to live like that, but know it will never happen to you. You’ve stepped back from the exciting opportunities that came your way, because you wanted safety. Whatever courage is required to take risks, you’re pretty sure you don’t have it. You’re hugging the shore, but you can’t take your eyes off the horizon.

A lot of people hug the shore and are perfectly comfortable hugging it - but you are not comfortable. You are full of longing and regret. Deep down, you want adventure. You know perfectly well that you’ve stayed at your job too long. You know you’ve got more of the explorer inside you than you ever use. You know that a different kind of person would have sprung into action, seized the day, moved to new territories long ago, but somewhere you learned to hang on to what you have and not try for more. (more…)

Leisure is one of those luxuries that’s best in small portions. When it’s all there is to life, it’s as boring as being locked in jail. Leisure presents a terrible quandary for people with money. Either they don’t have enough of it because they’re always working, or they don’t work at all and are drowning in it.

All of us, to some extent, create fairy tales about how good life must be for wealthy people, because we get vicarious pleasure from it, and because we think we might someday strike it rich. One of the tales we tell ourselves is that wealth and leisure are a comfortable, complementary pair. Science shows that that’s usually not true.

The vast majority of millionaires in America are self-made, and one of the primary ways they gain their wealth is by sacrificing their leisure and freedom. I’ve met hundreds of these people, and they almost all work extremely hard - probably even harder than you do. Next time you walk through the first-class cabin on an airplane, check out how many of the passengers have their faces buried in paperwork or laptops. Is that your idea of leisure? Most of these people don’t feel free; they feel frazzled.

All too often, people become financially successful by just following money - engaging in high paying jobs they don’t really like. They may look free, but they feel like prisoners. When happy people choose their jobs, they don’t follow money - they follow their passions. When they do this, they tend not to worry too much about money, even if they’re relatively poor, because they know they won’t have to suffer to make more of it.

Ironically, people who follow their hearts often end up with plenty of money, because they usually become highly proficient at their work and they enjoy working long hours. Loving your job is the ultimate freedom. It means, in effect, that you never have to work—you just play hard and collect your check. You can’t beat that for leisure.

Some people, though, are rich without having to work. They inherit money, marry someone who’s rich, win the lottery, or make their fortune early in life. It looks as if they’ve got it made. But science clearly shows that these people have happiness levels that are only very slightly higher than average. Usually, having a lot of money and no obligations feels good for only a short time. Boredom soon sets in, along with a feeling of worthlessness. Too much leisure is oppressive, a void that’s impossible to fill.

In the business world, relationships are an integral part of success or failure. Most people don’t know that when Thomas Edison’s laboratory and factory burned down, he was 67 years old and carried no insurance. Before the ashes were cold, Henry Ford handed Edison a check for $750,000 with the words “no interest” written on it. He also included a note saying that if Edison needed more, he would have it.

Many people were surprised by Ford’s generosity, but one reason he gave Edison the money probably went back to an incident that took place many years earlier. Edison was working on an electric car and had built batteries that made it viable to a point. He heard that a young man named Henry Ford was working on a gasoline engine, so he went to see him and asked him many questions. Ford answered those questions thoroughly and carefully. At the end of the interview, Edison said to Ford, “Young man, I think you’re on to something. I encourage you to continue in your pursuits.” Later, Ford said that these words of encouragement from the most highly respected inventor in the United States meant a great deal to him. He obviously continued in his pursuits. (more…)

There is a great difference between what a person intends to say and what a person may actually say. An implicit message is one in which communication is not plainly expressed. It is implied. Implicit messages can entangle the real or intended message.

Implicit, or unspoken, messages can cause others to feel frustrated, confused or angry. When you receive implicit or hidden messages in the communications of others, it can confuse future communication. That’s why it’s important to say what you mean and mean what you say. For example, the implicit message in the sentence, “My stomach is rumbling,” could translate into the explicit message, “I’m hungry. When are we going to eat?” (more…)

Goal setting is the process of making a dream come true step-by-step and the sooner your children can learn about setting goals the more quickly they can become successful in life. Just imagine how further along your life would be if our parents would have done the same and taught us about goals.

Here are a few simple steps to follow to help your child set goals successfully.

1. Listen First: Encourage your child to become quiet and listen to the wisdom within before setting a goal. Many goals are born out of competition or excessive striving, rather than from one’s own integrity. A healthy and solid goal follows listening to one’s inner wisdom, rather than the reverse. Go over these vital questions before setting goals: Is this goal something I really want? Does this goal serve me in my life right now? What will I need to bring this dream into reality? (more…)

Becoming successful by obtaining a goal can obviously be a positive experience. You can also block your own success with feelings of being overwhelmed once you get close to the goal. If you allow yourself to become dominated by these unproductive feelings, your state of mind affects your actions. Allowing your feelings to affect you in this counterproductive way stifles your ability to become successful. When success does occur, you’re not able to accept the feelings of joy and power associated with your accomplishments. Denying feelings of accomplishment and success will result in producing highly ineffective and self-sabotaging behaviors. The behaviors are self-sabotaging because you’re responding opposite to what is required to reach your goals.

Fear of success occurs because negative self-talk and negative messages from others still dominate your beliefs and attitude. What is your chance of success or advancement if you allow others to affect your thoughts and behavior? Realize that your effort in eliminating negative self-talk and negative beliefs from others is aimed at improving your self-confidence. Developing your inner resources, your self-esteem and self-respect, will motivate you to accept feelings of success on a continual basis. (more…)

You have been told the hard and simple truth: if you aren’t getting much out of life emotionally and financially, then you must look at what you bring into life. Clearly, to get more out of this world, you must make some changes in your life.

Now for the pleasant truth; success has little to do with hard work. The natural order of the world doesn’t dictate that you have to work hard to earn a good living and get more out of life. On the contrary, working fewer hours than most people, and at a more leisurely pace, may in fact help you to get a lot more out of life - financially and emotionally. (more…)

Efficiency is often a mental trap. You think that, because you’re so busy and moving so quickly, you must be getting somewhere. In fact, the reverse is often true. The “I-have- never-worked-so-hard-and-got-so-little-done” feeling is an indication that results are not being produced even with the effort expended.

You will achieve your goals on schedule only by learning to transform efficiency into effectiveness. You will then discover that:

* Every action has a purpose.
* Interruptions are consciously eliminated.
* Rushed motion gives way to rational movement.
* Unbalancing surprises become a thing of the past.
* You are seldom caught off guard.
* Your life is planned, stress-free, and seldom behind schedule.
* Excuses for being late are left behind.
* Deadlines are met.
* Your life and your time line are under your control.
(more…)

1. Show respect by encouraging your children to make choices. When it is time to make a decision, give them a choice of two alternatives that are acceptable to you. This gives practice in making choices and makes children feel they have control over some things. For example, say, “It’s 7:30 and bedtime is eight o’clock. Do you want to play for another 15 minutes, then take your bath? Or do you want to take your bath, then play until bedtime?” Or say, “Here are two dresses that are appropriate for church this morning. Which do you want to wear?” Or say, “Thanks for helping me with the dishes. Do you want to wash or dry?”

You can eliminate some of the power struggle arguments by using this technique. This approach allows children to choose from acceptable alternatives, which makes them feel included. It also gives young children lots of practice in making decisions - something most adults learned in later adolescence or young adulthood. (more…)

Monitor your language. Listen to the way you respond to questions and situations. Make a conscious effort to develop a positive charge. You will find that people respond more eagerly to you.

Do you know people who tell you their whole life story even if you don’t ask? Well I hitched a ride with a friend the other day and as soon as we got into the car, she launched into a negative conversation about how much she hated her job. She despises it. I know. She told me and told me and told me and told me! Well, she was giving me a ride, and I couldn’t very well tell her to be quiet in her own car. So I listened.

She went on and on about this job and how bad it was, and finally I interrupted. “If it’s that stressful and if it is causing you that much pain, why don’t you just quit and do something else?” She replied by saying something that put her in the chorus line with a lot of other people going nowhere in their lives. “I would, but …”

Sound familiar? It did to me, so I began testing a theory on other people. I went around for several days asking people what they were doing for a living and if it was their passion in life to do that. If they said their work was not their passion, I asked what their real passion was and why they were not doing it. Invariably, they would reply, “Oh, I would, but . . .”

The “buts” just kept coming up. How many times have you heard one of those words or phrases used as an excuse? How many times have you heard them come out of your own mouth? Too often, we repeat negatively charged words as if we are in a trance, and, in a sense, when we use them we are sleepwalking through life. We seem to be instinctively adept at finding excuses for canceling our own dreams. I think “but” and words like it are dream killers. I think many of us would accomplish more in our lives if we put “but” and his family to rest and plunged into life.

“But” is a crutch; it is an excuse for procrastinators and those of us who lack the courage to live our dreams. It allows us to validate our inaction. When hard times hit, we need to look for reasons to move forward, not for reasons to idle through life.

When you don’t move on life, life moves on you. It is important for you to learn to monitor your language because by listening to yourself and changing your language, you can change your attitude from negative to positive.