As you correspond with another person, your communication is controled by your particular outlook at the time. Your outlook filters the information you receive and often can foil you from communicating and listening actively and dispassionately.

Your immediate frame of mind filters everything through your extant concerns, as well as your outlook, present private relationships or something as simple as what has occured right before the conversation. Your long-term frame of mind filters everything through your private background, your ethics, your past experiences and even your earliest childhood memories.
Your immediate filters are those that adjust depending on recent situations. They may be influenced by your long-term filters, but for the most part these are issues that immediately affect you.

I wonder, have you ever left a gathering upset because it failed to live up to your prospects? Or have you ever gone into a meeting fully expecting to hear your boss say one thing but informed you something that is totally unusual? The expectations that you carry into a communication setting can hamper your ability to actively listen to what a speaker is articulating.

Such expectations may be about the topic. For illustration, you presume that the presenter at a meeting to take a particular position on a topic or arrive at a certain conclusion. When he begins to talk, you assume you know what is going to be said and listen selectively to support your expectations. You fail to listen objectively to what he is saying.

Your expectations may also concern the speaker. Part of these expectations may be based on your previous experience with the speaker. “Oh, he’s always dull as dishwater,” is an example of expectations you may harbor. But you also have roles that you expect people to fall into because of their standing. These expectations can smother communication. When someone doesn’t perform the way you assume him to, your expectations will sieve what you hear him saying.

Your outlook also may correlate to a particular condition. You may have caught yourself saying, “I wish I didn’t have to go to that tedious meeting.” When you catch yourself saying something like this, you are conveying your negative expectations for the situation. Once you go into the situation, expectations in full gallop, they will create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Regardless of the reality of the situation, the assembly will be boring, and you will only “hear” the meaningless small talk.

There is a technique for you to direct your expectations. Prior to your next conference or discussion, make a list of what you expect out of the topic, the situation or the speaker. This list correspond to the barriers that prevent you from actively listening and being able to communicate successfully.

Check your reactions prior to the meeting or conversation and predict your reactions to particular ideas or situations. Try to envisage a full range of responses. Query yourself, “If he says this, how will I react?” This is practical in situations when you have had some struggle in communicating or when you foresee hearing information that will make you ill at ease.

Warmly
Joseph Plazo